Many of these issues also apply to young men in their own way. I did not write from that perspective, simply because I do not have the adequate experience to do so. This particular post applies to young women, because it is crafted from my own personal experiences.
So here we go...
1. You do not have to hide or deny your femininity in order to succeed professionally.
We all are well-versed with the media problems in this country and how the physical appearance of women is too highly and too frequently objectified and scrutinized--but I have noticed a new defense tactic to these problems that deeply concerns me. Young women entering in professional circuits that are male-dominated are often told to dress less womanly and try to not draw any attention to the fact that they are female. Sure, I can see how one can justify this tactic by stating that the woman should draw attention to her professional abilities and competence; however, this tactic just helps perpetuate the media's obsession with a woman's appearance. Women should look professional, just as men should, but since when is the word "professional" synonymous with "masculine"? A woman should never have to work around her female body or personality. Women and men are undeniably different in many ways--both physically and mentally--and we should embrace both kinds of people as fully capable professional beings, in very unique ways. If a woman is in tune with her emotions, she should not deny this aspect of her personality, simply because it has been deemed a "feminine characteristic". Additionally, she should not be scrutinized (or objectified) for how her body looks in feminine clothing--a pants suit is not any more or any less professional than a skirt suit.
2. The way you express your sexuality is your choice, and your choice only.
We are all quick to judge women who dress what we deem "provocatively" or women who are open and confident in their sexuality. Conversely, we are also extremely quick to judge women who are more introverted and private about their figure and their sexuality. At the end of the day, your sexuality is a part of what defines you as a unique and individual woman, and you should make your own informed decision on how you wish to express that part of yourself. In my social experiences as a young woman, I have found that we are judged for having sex just as often as we are judged for not having sex. The words "slut" and "prude" are both used too frequently, and a good amount of times, they are used by other women--myself included. We have somehow managed to scrutinize the entire spectrum of female sexual expression, thus leaving us trapped in a world where we can't win. But here is the truth bomb: we often make these judgments because we are uncomfortable with the decision these other people have made--admit it. It's our own lack of confidence in our own self that we project onto others. If you are truly comfortable with the sexual choices you have made, you will be comfortable with the fact that you must also allow others to make their own decisions.
Now, I am by no means advocating sexual habits that are harmful to your physical or psychological well-being. We do need to consider the risk of disease and unplanned pregnancies that many times unfortunately occur to young girls who have neither the proper maturity nor financial means to handle these situations--these girls are, of course, too young to engage in sexual activity; however, we still continue to instill sexual shame in young women, long after they have developed sufficient maturity to become sexuality active. Additionally, if you are concerned about a close friend or relative's sexual activity because you believe it has created am adverse effect on their physical or psychological health, then your concerns are valid--but here's the bottom line: if you are old enough to be considered an adult and your health or well-being is not of immediate concern to your family and close friends, then you reserve the right to own your body--whether that means that you choose to engage in a sexually active lifestyle or whether you choose to practice celibacy.
3. Man-hating will get you nowhere.
I have heard and even myself exclaimed the words, "I hate men", or "He did ___ because he's a man--he can't help it." Why do we think that this kind of language is okay? When did we decide to group all men together as the responsible culprits for all of our pain? We all know that within most contexts in this day and age, it is socially unacceptable and politically incorrect for a man to say "All women are ____" or "She can't help it--she's a woman." So why is it okay when we say it? Answer: it isn't. By using this kind of language, we are perpetuating a double standard. Sure, one could argue that it's different, since women have been more socially repressed in this country than men; however, I will drop another truth bomb here: in today's world, if a man has oppressed you in any way because of your gender, he did it because he's an asshole, not because he's a male. Straight ladies, this applies to dating as well. If a guy treated you poorly or did something absolutely morally abhorrent, he did so because he's an asshole, not because he's a male. Grouping all men into a negative category because of the actions of one man is not only unfair to the incredibly wonderful, smart, and respectful men out there, of which there are many, but it makes those very men want nothing to do with you.
4. You are not crazy.
"Crazy" is a nasty and hurtful word that no longer carries any validity. It is a word that people use as a weapon against others by whom they feel threatened or hurt. Do not let ANYONE--male or female, young or old, enemy or friend--give you this label--and even more importantly, do not give those people that same label. This word doesn't just hurt other people and criticize them for their honest human emotions, but it also stigmatizes the millions of people who actually struggle with mental illness. (News flash: these people are not "crazy", either. They are real people, dealing with real problems, and they do not deserve to be generalized and dehumanized by a word that doesn't begin to describe who they really are.) So, think twice next time you open your mouth to call someone "crazy". You're probably saying it out of spite.
5. Contrary to what everyone will tell you, having a career and having a family is not mutually exclusive.
You would think that nearly two decades into the 21st century I wouldn't have to be arguing this cause, but here I am. I have decided to pursue a career that is both emotionally demanding and time-consuming--but people are completely shocked, and even genuinely confused when I tell them that I also aspire to marry and have children. If I had a dime for everytime someone told me "Well you say that now, but...", I would have enough money to pay for the rest of my education costs. Many times, people challenge me to "think of a very successful business woman who is also close with her children", as if finding such a woman would be like finding a unicorn. What these people don't know is that my mother is that woman. My mother is an extremely successful business consultant who has traveled the world for weeks at a time, and whose work is frequently sought by many different companies--and she's also an incredible cook, a reliable source of advice, a comforting soul, and above all, a wonderful mother. I have endless childhood memories with her, and I am still close enough to her that I could call her at anytime and ask her about anything. Am I saying this was a walk in the park for her, or that it would be for any other woman? Of course not. But since when have we told our children to only do what is easy? How is this any different?
Answer: it isn't. Just because it hasn't been done a whole lot yet doesn't mean you can't start a trend.
6. Women need to root for each other.
I don't even need to rant away on this one. You know that we are all guilty of bashing other women. We have made assumptions about the "pretty girl" or the "weird girl", or what have you. Why do we do this to ourselves? This is not the hunting grounds. There is room for more than one attractive, intelligent, capable woman, so stop flaring up your competitive flag the second another appealing woman walks into the room. We all have something different to bring to the table here. So challenge yourself to stop. You have a right to dislike someone, but only after you have given her a fair chance.
If you even made it to the end of this absurdly long post, I commend you, and I hope that you have gained even a little bit of perspective. I'm not here to start arguments and engage in heated debate--I'm here to share some of my experiences and opinions, in hopes that someone can benefit from it.
